Change, Change, Change

Oh dear, dear, dear. So close, so so far away. Time makes my head spin. Right? Wrong? Just be truthful? That's my game. Sometimes I scrape my elbows though.

I am pretty certain of what I want for the next year, however, no idea how to get it. I suppose that is part of the Journey or whatever, but man, this is hard! Why so hard. You may think that I am talking about what I want for the next year in terms of school and career, and yes, I do know what I want. I want to be good and get all the parts I want, and I actually do have an idea how to make that happen. What I am talking about wanting is this: Remaining sane in a world of men.
Here's the thing. I like this guy. Pretty normal, pretty normal, however I feel this totally immense confusion when it comes to how I should act, or present myself. Yeah, I want to have fun, I always do. But to what extent do I need to trade fun for progress and reward?
Where I stand is in this circle of time and trust that I am willing to embark on with the right encouragement. If the encouragement is lacking, then the relationship was never meant to be, and I guess at this point that equals a few days of long walks and chocolate cravings. I'd get over it, after all, I am still here and this isn't a new occurence or anything.

I am putting out a public, cosmic request to the Universe to educate me on how to be totally selfless. I think that is how one finds love. Catch 22: If you are searching for the ability to be Selfless for selfish reasons, how do you gain or truly learn the lesson? You don't. That's why, coupled with this request, I make a declaration to be open minded and let go daily. I have these dreams and fantasies that live within my mind that fuel these selfish acts and strange interactions with others. "I want you" is the most dangerous thing you can say. I have learned that and now since that option is gone, I need guidance on how to begin my new journey of discovery on this blank page.

I know I'm young, I am very very young. I'm not saying that I am looking for THE ONE or anything. I just want one. A one. Some one. Anyone. Anyone who can make my heart sing... And maybe that is a selfish request. But, deep down, isnt that sort of why we're here? To BE together and share in pleasant experiences in each others' company? As humans, just as humans. As man. As woman. As man and woman. We make a great We. I think. But I might just be being selfish. I don't know (: